Sacrafices.

There is so much more to being a mother, than just feeding and putting your baby to sleep. I never 'planned' on having a baby at age 19. But fate had a different plan for my life. & Im so thankful for it. I wanted to go to school to get my License in Vocational Nursing. Then after a few years expierence, I wanted to go back to school to become a Registered Nurse. & then have babies. That was my plan. Until I met Angel..... I had a 'serious' boyfriend before I met Angel. We lasted 5 1/2 years. I know, what was I thinking? I was so young, too young for something like that. He was so mean, just generally. Not just to me, to everyone. I was stupid. Thats the best word to describe it- stupid. stupid. stupid. He hurt me in ways I couldnt even begin to describe. years, and years and years. Finally, when I worked up the courage to leave, he made sure I felt very worthless. And I did. I felt ugly. Inside & out. So of course, I let another boy take advantage of me. & then one random day, Angel walks into the front door....literally. Just by looking at him, you can see that he's different. Covered in tattoo's. A sleeve, his neck, his chest, his legs... everywhere, really. I was fasinated. Who was he? Where did he come from? ... soon to find out he lived 3 hours away. So we were just friends.... We talked everyday for 2 months for hours. Sometimes all day. About everything. He shared his life with me, so I soon shared mine with him. I loved the person he was. The man he was. Two years older than me. That was the biggest difference between him and anyother guy I had ever truly layed my eyes on- He was mature. He took care of himself. He respected me. He cared for me deeper than any other male in my life. He came back to visit, one thing led to the next..... We decided we'd really love to pursue a relationship together. We just fit together. We compliment eachother. He moved where I live to be with me. That was a huge step. & then one more thing led to the other... &; I was pregnant. I mean, we were excited. A baby. I knew Angel was good to me, and I was good to him. But wait, I'm only 18....? He's only 20..? Are we ready for this?? Ready, whether we wanted to be or not. Soon we found out it was a girl. After that we named her Emma Grace. (Grace After my Grandma Grace, not after me.) & then soon after that, she made her debut. A beautiful girl. Looks almost excatly like Angel. I made jokes "If I wasnt there when she came out of me, I'd say she wasnt mine!" Because thats how much she looked more like her dad, than her momma. & thats okay, shes the most cutest thing I've ever seen..
But of course, the sacrafices... I had to put my whole life on hold to care for her. To be there for her 24/7 like she wanted me to be. I had a couple weeks after delivering her that were hard for me. I was crying about everything, but I was still right there for her. Not one second behind. I wondered how other mothers could leave their child. How can you look at something so innocent and decide they were a mistake, that you didnt want them anymore? I couldnt imagine.
My friends stopped talking to me because they didnt want to hang out with someone who had a baby on their hip. Sometimes, I felt so alone. But I'd look at her, and she'd smile. & I knew it was worth it. I made her, I gave her life. And I'm going to make her life worth it.
I stopped going out, even just out to dinner was a tough task with a newborn. & even though shes 3 months already, shes put herself on this neat little schedule, we can't be out when its time for her to nap- or else shes MAD. & thats okay too, I know this will pass and I'd rather enjoy it before she doesnt want to nap anymore. Before shes running away from me in stores. Before she can order off a menu at restuarant.
I don't know when we're going to have another one. So I'd rather take in, and love, Emma right now for who she is, and what she is.

She is the best thing to ever happen to me.
I will be a good momma to her.